From Fearful to Fearless: 6 Ways Anxiety can F*ck Up Our Goals
It's incredible to think of what may have been* if anxiety didn't get in the way. The roots of anxiety feed lines of negative self-talk to that evil Kermit in our minds.
evil Kermit feeding your anxiety
Those fears lead to the vaporization of any motivation to move forward on goals, let alone make progress. Let's talk about these fears, one by one, and how they can sabotage goal-setting. We will also discuss strategies to help push those anxieties away and use those energies positively.
1. Fear of Judgement or Rejection
It is no surprise to us that we fear judgment and rejection. Neurodivergent people often deal with the dreaded Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), or extreme anguish and/or pain when rejection is perceived or received. We often fear how people will react to our goals and aspirations. Maybe they are "too big," "too out of this world," or "too weird." These judgments hit us hard, and dig deep into our self-worth. These fears keep us from ever starting toward our goal.
What strategy can I offer to help reduce that fear of judgment or rejection? MAKE THE GOAL ANYWAY. People will ALWAYS have an opinion about what you should and shouldn't do. Perhaps it is a huge departure from what they are used to from you. So what? Surround yourself with supportive people, like those in the Accountable Otters Club, along the way. They can make all the difference in your progress.
2. Fear of Discontent
When we are always striving for our lives to change into something different, this can lead to us being unhappy with our lives as they stand. This is the classic "keeping up with the Joneses" dilemma. It doesn't bode well for your current life if you're always thinking about what others have or what they achieve. This discontentment leaves us unmotivated and stuck.
Remember, STOP COMPARING yourself to others around you. There is no one on your exact path in life, and it doesn't help you, in the long run, to always be thinking about others. The purpose of goal-setting is to push yourself to grow & change on your unique path.
3. Fear of the Unknown
Fear of the unknown results from a lack of clarity on our path toward goal achievement. It can be overwhelming and is rooted in those feelings of choosing the wrong path. Those anxious voices in your head will always tell you a host of "What ifs" regarding your potential path. Sifting through those voices with a fine-toothed comb, you can see which ones have merit to help give you a path to clarity.
How do you gain clarity when you don't know what's coming? Prepare yourself, research, understand, and talk to others about your goals. Watch some YouTube videos. Learn from others who are doing what you want to be doing. Remember: doing nothing is a short path to nowhere. If we make the wrong choice, we will have at least learned something along the way.
4. Fear of Failure
This is perhaps the most common form of anxiety in goal-setting and achievement. We ruminate through a cycle of potential failing scenarios, giving steam to the anxious energy suppressing your goal-setting and progress. It can be extremely difficult to make progress on a goal in which this energy is present. It is heavy and soul-sucking.
The most important thing to remember here is that you CANNOT FAIL if you choose to learn from each mistake you make (and you'll make plenty of them). Always try again. It may be different, but you'll find a way if that goal is meaningful.
5. Fear of Success
The fear of success is a tricky one to understand. This is the one I have the most trouble with. My anxiety lives in this dark corner of my mind, hoarding my energy and attention. It involves the acceptance that it is necessary to get out of your comfort zone and lean on people and systems to help you scale and grow. It leads to us feeling unprepared for if things go "RIGHT," leading to self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotage is a dream crusher. You can SEE your goals, and you can PICTURE yourself there! But ultimately, you end up setting yourself up to fail because you're afraid of leaving that comfortable place.
The best way to tackle success fears is to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Get some of that nervousness and use it to do one thing that makes you a bit afraid. If that anxious energy is rooted in inspiration and creativity, then it can really help push you!
6. Fear of Boredom
It's no surprise that anxiety for ADHDers may include something like fear of boredom, as it can be a monumental feat to motivate us to progress on our goals if they are YAWN... boring. This is LITERALLY what a pivot or change is for. If you need to find a way to inject some interest into your goal progression, you should take the time to consider what you can do to change things up to spark that novelty again. A good recent example is an AOC member working on his degree while simultaneously looking for work. He realized his job search would be less tedious if it aligned with something new and fresh, so now he is working on a TEFL certification to become an English teacher.
Novelty and interest MUST be a part of goal progression for neurodivergent folks.
Coping with anxiety while setting goals is possible and, dare I say, necessary so that your goals go from being ambiguous blobs to tangible things. You can do this!
