The Truth About Self-Care
Have you ever wondered what the deal is with pushing "self-care" so much? We hear daily about making time and caring for our mental and physical well-being. Society pushes the "treat yourself" and the "take a bubble bath" messages, gaslighting us into thinking that something so simple could help solve the many issues we currently face.
Unfortunately, many of us understand that this isn't the case. This is called performative self-care, in which the root causes of our stress and anguish are pushed further down the road to deal with later, leaving us with a bandaid on a 3rd-degree burn.
Burnout is only fast-tracked in this case, leading to learned helplessness and hopelessness that our situations may never return to a more sustainable state.
So let's get to the truth about self-care.
Here are a few hard pills to swallow:
Self-care cannot solve systemic issues.
Things like capitalism, misogyny, racism, xenophobia, ableism, and fascism will continue to wear us down. What self-care CAN do in this case is to help preserve our peace in the face of these -isms. Self-preservation remains a vital part of this type of self-care. A massage will not help you smash the patriarchy, but a firm set of boundaries can.
You can be doing everything right and still be struggling.
At these times, you have to dig a little deeper into the purpose of self-care to discover the small victories that can help sustain you. Taking moments during your day to reflect on what you did accomplish to take care of yourself reminds you that even the teeniest, tiniest thing (like drinking water, making your bed, or brushing your hair, for example) can help bring satisfaction during hard times.
Delaying joy will make you miserable.
I personally have a tough time with this. I'm constantly putting off the things I like to do for the benefit of taking care of others in my family. Even if I take time to rest, care for my physical and mental well-being, and do all the "right" things, I can still feel bogged down. Weaving activities into your self-care routine that bring joy can make that time even more impactful. Do you like to play video games? Practice yoga? Maybe you're in a crochet or knitting club? Start with 15 minutes. Joy needs to be part of your self-care equation.
Now what does a self-care routine look like in real life? The answer is... it depends.
In an ideal world, self-care would be something we could incorporate into various time blocks in our day. It would include several types of self-care, including physical, mental, emotional, creative, sensory, spiritual, social, and more. It would be as unique as you are.
But we live in a world of intense pressure and expectations, so creating an ideal self-care routine feels more performative than anything. So let's do this instead:
Think about short transition times during your day. Waiting time while the coffee is brewing, sitting at a red light in traffic, hanging up the phone after a call, arriving home after running an errand, etc. These transition points range in duration from 30 seconds to 15 minutes. Think of small ways to weave in self-care at these times. Can you do some deep breathing? Say a prayer? Hum along to a favorite song? Take a short nap? Splash your face with water? Spend a few minutes in the sunshine? These small self-care acts can help reset your nervous system and cool down any stress that may be creeping up.
I won't write here and tell you that self-care is the antidote to all your problems because that is untrue. But it can help create an environment where you can begin to chip away at things that have been keeping you in an unsustainable way of life, which is never bad.
For more reading, I recommend looking at the Burnout Workbook, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, and Real Self-Care, by Pooja Lakshmin, MD.
I have two VIP coaching spots available for anyone looking for more focused support this season. I have coached my VIPs through university coursework and schedules, work and personal life balance, the transition between jobs and other life events, as well as burnout prevention and recovery. Most of my VIPs stick around between 6-8 months as they work through setting up sustainable routines and achieving peace with their current situations. Please email me at hello@accotters.com if you'd like to take advantage of this limited opportunity.
Until next time, friends.
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